Let’s be honest, most of us are promiscuous. Only my current BF has yet to cheat on me, all my ex’s cheated, and usually, with my own friends.
The only reason my current relationship is working out so well is because we moved to small city/town. There were just too many horny guys out to destroy our relationship back in the big city.
Glad to see that your personal experience is reflective of the experiences of 10′s of millions of gay people worldwide.
What a burden for you to carry.
Is this woman on British TV? I’ve never heard of her.
Not just my experiences. All my friends can tell the same stories.
You go on enough dates you eventually find out that men lie about almost everything, starting with age, nationalite, employment (the lack thereof), etc. And the most innocent looking boyfriends are usually the ones that give you the clap.
I dont really care about the experiences of millions of gays because it feels like ive been on a million identical dates. A person can only draw conclusions from their own experiences and that of the people around him.
“All my friends can tell the same stories.”
So? That hardly constitutes evidence of anything but your own experiences.
I have friends who say the opposite.
Generalisations are a fallacy for the lazy.
I’m sorry Will, but you must live a very closeted life. My quarter of a century as a gay man would suggest we are indeed more promiscuous – but so what if we are? And are we really any different from the thousands of men who cheat on their wives on a regular basis? Of course we’re not. I know this woman is using the age old stereotype that we screw like rabbits, but the truth is most men are at it, whether gay or straight. If it’s not your case good for you, but men don’t seem to be too shy about coming forward when presented with the opportunity of a casual sexual encounter.
“I’m sorry Will, but you must live a very closeted life.”
Your patronisation in lieu of a response aside, I certainly know I haven’t. Quite the opposite. I was making a point that generalisations are usually for the foolish, as they usually have no bearing in reality. But you are entitled to believe all generalisations you want.
Evidence points to the opposite, however:-
Jay, Karla; Young, Allen (1979). The gay report: Lesbians and gay men speak out about sexual experiences and lifestyles – “40 percent and 60 percent are involved in a steady relationship. Research also suggests that a slightly higher proportion of lesbians than gay men may be in steady relationships”
“A 2007 study reported that two large population surveys found “the majority of gay men had similar numbers of unprotected sexual partners annually as straight men and women.” – http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/82330.php
@BrightonBN1: I agree with what you say, too often gay men are seen as being somehow different from non-gay men in this respect, and really there’s no difference. However, that’s exactly what makes nonsense of the belief ‘we’ are more promiscuous.
It’s certainly not my case or the case of most of my friends.
I have been with my partner nearly 20 years, betting most of our straight friends may I add and we have never ‘strayed’.
No justice comes from tarring all of us with the same brush giving the bigots, whether Straight or Gay, the assumptioned proof they want.
“My quarter of a century as a gay man would suggest we are indeed more promiscuous ”
Yeah 200,000+ unwanted pregnancies and abortions each year beg to differ.
Just because people aren’t sleeping around or have friends that are doesn’t make anyone ‘closeted’.
That is a ridiculous comment to make. Just because it doesn’t fit in with the company you keep doesn’t mean you are right.
Maybe people should stop singling out and focus on people who are promiscuous Equally!
Also maybe focus on all of us that aren’t promiscuous. Would be a great start. Really start to get to the bigots knowing plenty of us are committed.
“Not just my experiences. All my friends can tell the same stories.”
Clear what needs to be questioned then is the comapny you keep not about all Gay men.
What makes you know differently?
It’s his word against yours.
Then with all due respect that’s your issue.
Gay men come in many shapes and forms. Some are complete s**ts but then some are very happy to stay faithful. Guess what, some even don’t bother with sex.
Also, don’t blame other men for the destruction of your previous relationships. It’s down to the two of you ultimately.
Indeed but I fully expect the churches main arguement will be on the same lines as this vile plastic woman. As if somehow Gay people just cannot commit.
I remember the day when burying a friend, the mother of the deceased said to the griefing partner, “Oh well it’s not as if you had the proper love that only comes from a man and a woman!”. It all comes from a sense of superiority, or so they think. In all it’s more likely that seeing people just as everyone else who make many of them question themselves.
That is what they fear the most, not Us the LGBTQI community but themselves.
Brilliant response. Can we have you on Mastermind?
Your chosen specialist subject is……………………..
“Let’s be honest, most of us are promiscuous.”
@Raoul . . . Which empirical research were you quoting there?
Straight people are just as promiscuous.
Just as a lot of Gay/Straight people are promiscuous, plenty are not and happily in relationships. It’s a shame the same amount of time and reporting isn’t given to showing that. Choosing instead to just single out to prove some misguided assumptions.
It’s very sad.
What an offensive bitch!! I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 2 years and although I readily admit we have spoken about the possibility of it becoming an open relationship later on, we are perfectly happy being monogamous for the moment
Exactly. For the moment. So how is what she said offensive when you just helped prove her point?
Just because we are less sexually repressed doesnt make us more promiscuous. I would rather have an open relationship later on than be cheated on.
Straight men are just as promiscuous they just cheat on there wives.
Exactly but somehow we’re supposed to forget those things. It only counts when it’s Gay men…. apparently.
“So how is what she said offensive when you just helped prove her point?”
Because there are plenty of straight couple in an open relationship or who do swinger parties. This is just about singling out Gay men. That is why it is offensive. Why focus on one group of people for something all other groups do also?
Doesn’t make any sense unless of course the case in question is to discriminate with assumptions.
TWO years. Wow, I’m impressed.
My parents have been together for 50 years. You are easily impressed.
who’s to say that you should be monogamous … both parties should sit down and discuss what is allowed in their relationship .. and each party should respect those boundaries … this is not only referring to sex, but also to common courtesy’s … RESPECT is the key to any successful relationship! Sex is fun, but ancillary .. :-)
Exactly Kim, good comment.
Sadly Bigots don’t believe thats possible.
I was just thinking that *all* dating experts were morons!
Me and my bf have been together for nearly 19 months and are doing fine.
Any relationship is prone to cheating but we all do find someone eventually who is worth our love and it lasts.
Nearly 20 years here and we go by the same rules that things happen but the best thing is we’re both Chosen not to be with anybody else.
It’s far nicer to choose to not go with anyone else than for it just to be expected.
However people seem to forget that amount of straight men and women who cheat as if it doesn’t somehow matter. I call them hypocrites.
Looks like this woman needs to go out a bit more!! No one is perfect look at the hetrosexual divorce rates, everytime one opens a newspaper it is splashed across the pages that some celebrity is divorcing and getting it on with someone else. No wonder the HIV/Aids figures are rising in the hetrosexual community. Being Gay in a 30 yr relationship, we know many more Gay couples in similar circumstances, and we are all ‘happy’.
Exactly. Apparently we’re to forget what happens in heterosexual relationships and be happy that they just single out Gay ones as different when in fact we’re not any different.
Another classic case of bigotted projection.
Generalization is never a clever thing to do but she has a point. To protect ourselves we developed specific way of communicating and a lifestyle that sometimes reeks.
“we developed … a lifestyle”
As you say, generalising is never a clever thing to do.
Yep, esp coming from someone whose faces have clearly been stripped and stretched…. both of them.
What a tool!
Raoul, and you think it’s only confined to gay people? There are plenty of promiscuous straights out there, in fact, far more than us per capita if you look at the divorce rate. She ought to get her own filthy house in order first. Jewish men lie? What the hell is that about I wonder?
Peter & Michael, exactly. Of course this stupid woman wouldn’t know that hundreds of thousands of monogamous gay couples exist but she’s never taken the trouble to find out and she claims she’s a friend of the LGBT community. Disgusting woman!
Exactly, excellent comment.
Clearly bigots at work here who know nothing just assume.
I agree, very good comment. As if heterosexual promiscuity does not exist!!!
“Stanger has a reputation for outspoken, even offensive, advice.”
Stupid.You forgot stupid advice.
Of course, no one in a supposedly monogamous heterosexual relationship ever has sex with anyone other than their partnner.
She probably thinks so…
I’ve been in a relationship for a month and it hasn’t become sexual yet as we aren’t ready.
Find a straight man who would do that instead of badgering his girlfriend to have sex.
I rest my case
I have to agree, it might not be statistically sound to say “me and my friends have had the same experiences countless times,” but when you have the same comment from dozens of people (which we do every time this issue is raised) from across the country and indeed across the world, it has to be a little more than coincidence.
In *my* experience I actually agree with this woman, but it should be better worded. The majority of gay men, in my opinion, are promiscuous and unfaithful. There is a small fraction who are not, I count myself as one of them. I don’t really care what other people get up to, if Joe Bloggs sleeps with 500 men a month it’s not my concern, or for me to judge, it’s just not what I want. What IS frustrating for that small fraction is that it makes it almost impossible to find a compatible partner with a genuinely similar ethos.
Oh, and just before I get slapped with the self hating label, of course these things happen in heterosexual relationships. I believe the majority of cheaters in heterosexual relationships are the men, as I also believe men are more prone to cheating because they think with their penises, particularly when drunk. I wouldn’t say this is a problem with gay people, I would say it’s a problem with men in general, a problem that becomes more pronounced when both people in the relationship are men.
Yes, but isn’t it the point that she singled out gay men as a group (!) as promiscuous, thereby implying that non-gay men are not?
“but when you have the same comment from dozens of people ”
That’s hardly conclusive. Its a generalisation that seeks out support by anecdotal means. Studies have shown promiscuity is about the same for gay and straight people. The fact that these experiences come from a selective part of the gay spectrum, i.e. the ones that go to the same bars week in and week out to have flings but couldn’t commit beyond a kebab, is hardly indicative of the whole.
“but couldn’t commit beyond a kebab”
I think you’ll find it’s the other way around. The majority of Gay men are about commitment, it’s a fraction that are not. Sadly it’s that fraction that will always be singled out and speak for all. As usual in these cases the minority seem to be used as an example for the majority. It’s so they can avoid any realism in this world.
The gay community is made up of more than dozens of people and we quite regularly hear of lots of committed relationships when this subject comes up but people only seem to focus on the promiscuous ones.
I’ve never heard of a dating expert before. What qualifications do you need to become one? Is the ability to make sweeping generalisations about people one of them?
some are, some aren’t – thing is this is offensive and untrue of all those who aren’t. another half wit on the telly – when will it ever be worth watching?
I do not know what yours or my sex life has to do with anybodies business. My business (sex life) is not anybodies business but mine. When will people ban together to stop (nosy) people who make our sex life their business? Mostly the so called religious people think they have some kind of right to what people do in their bed rooms. If you are of legal age and consent you can do what you want. Stop these people who think they have the right to tell you with who and how you should have sex. Really people it is your own private business and perhaps the last thing you can do do that is private today.
“I do not know what yours or my sex life has to do with anybodies business.”
Quite a lot, actually – especially if you are promiscuous. Those who sleep around tend to get infected with diseases and infections that the rest of us have to cure through money spent via the NHS – money, dare I say, that could be used for the treatment of others who didn’t get ill through their selfish, egotistical craving for c**k. Promiscuous men also cost the tax payer when it comes to having to police toilets and public parks and the policing and judicial costs involved when some twit gets mugged or punched in the face when he’s gone off cruising or whatever.
Despite the protests of left-wing victimities within the gay community, you would have to be clinically deranged to say that gay men are not (on the whole) promiscuous. The whole culture of homosexuality revolves around sex, and f***king is the whole raison d’etre of the gay scene – with bars, back-rooms, saunas, fetish clubs, drugs, alcohol, etc.
“you would have to be clinically deranged to say that gay men are not (on the whole) promiscuous.”
Well, that’s the best self diagnosis I’ve ever seen. Well done, finally facing up to your mental heal issues, Michaelangelo.
‘The culture of homosexuality’, ‘the gay scene’ – do you seriously believe that accounts for all gay men in the world?
Mind you, you would have to be clinically deranged to say that men are not (on the whole) promiscuous.
Excellent comment, Roger.
Most kind of religious people seem to only think of people by what they do in bed. Then accuse all else of being perverts.
This is true, none of their business. What about her sex life then? Perhaps someone should make an allegation to her that she is promiscuous, etc, etc. then she can see how it feels, and how could she complain given what she has done? I bet she does though – whines like a spoilt kid I bet.
An old ploy by conservatives! For years, we heard how promiscuous we all were, but now with the push for marriage equality, it is ‘oh it can only be between a man and a woman’ , not a same-sex couple! Just more heterosexual homophobia and discrimination.
She’s hardly “conservative”. In fact, this woman was one of the first people in California to call for “gay marriage”.
Appearances can be deceptive – this is true though isn’t it, how come they’re so against Gay marriage if everyone’s so promiscuous?
Men (and not just gay men) like to have sex with different people. It’s biology.
Substitute “immorality” for “biology” and you might be close to becoming psychologically mature.
Blaming everything on “biology” just creates a generation / culture of selfishness and irresponsibility.
A man who can’t control his c**k to the extent that he feels that being promiscuous is his “natural right” (so to speak) shouldn’t be allowed out alone!
“Substitute “immorality” for “biology” and you might be close to becoming psychologically mature.”
That’s a stupid argument, typically of a religious delusional nut like you – morality is relative, and nothing to do with biology – but then again, proof is not exactly some thing you are an expert in, is it? The “morality” of our kind, consisting of ignorance, prejudice and hate only exists ion the minds of morons like you who think ranting homophobia on a gay site counts for something in this world.
Why are you religious types always so poorly educated?
Recognising the power of biological urges doesn’t mean that you automatically justify irresponsibility.
That is one pathetic comment. Quite laughable actually.
Yes, you have to laugh else you’d cry. Such ignorance and hatred – poor Michaelangelo.
Who wants to be tied down. The more freedom to experience sex and any relationships should be good.
I like the freedom to be and not restricted to one mate.
Some people are conditioned to monogamy, some aren’t. So lets be realistic.
Gay men are more likely to be promiscous with our lifestyles having ‘no strings attatched’. Having said that many gays remain faithful to one partner while some straight people have loads of children by numerous different partners then spend all day sat at home watching tripe on television while receiving more money in social security handouts per year than I could possibly earn in my job with unsociable hours.
It’s hardly surprising that our supposed “lifestyles” developed without a concept of attached strings since for many centuries any attempts at attaching those very strings would have been disapproved by society or actually illegal.
“I have tried to curb you people.”
“Jewish men lie” – this ridiculous woman clearly trades in colossal generalisations. The saddest thing is that there are people who’d actually believe such simplistic nonsense.
Unhelpful remarks. They do no credit for this “presenter”. It’s a shame that these people just assume because of what they happen to hear or read, usually from others who also assume. Have they nothing better to do?
Mind you she judges but clearly is far from perfect by the look of her I’d say she is completely vain. I mean how much cosmetic surgery has she had?
Me thinks pot and kettle are the words of the day here.
Stanger replied: “I have tried to curb you people.”
Am I the only one that finds this statement derogatory it make us sound like we are a pack of wild dogs that need to be culled WTF.
Seriously, I’m sure Hitler said something along those lines back in WW2.
1 – Why is anyone paying attention to this stupid and prejudiced woman?
2 – The difference between gay and straight promiscuity is that gays are generally more honest about it.
No. It’s just gay men have more opportunity.
Err…. the majority of gay men are promiscuous… or would be if they could get away with it.
As you seem to know the majority of gay men (what a lot of people you must know) perhaps to could tell us if they’re different from non-gay men in that respect?
Because they have wives/girlfriends.
Gay men find casual sex easy to find, but relationships are difficult.
Straight relationships are the reverse.
You THINK you’re together nearly 19 months and he hasn’t cheated… to your knowledge. You can’t track him 24/7. Your loosen your hole lips and get on with it.
She is totally wrong.
ALL men are promiscuous, it’s just that women prevent straight men from shagging about more than they want to.
Get used to it, that is not just human nature, it is simple animal behaviour and it’s about time people recognised it. We are still in many ways just apes with clothes on.