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Cambridge academic blackmailed over gay sex

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  1. The whole story is very sad – a tale of two closets, both from very different backgrounds. The question that arises is “why did either of them feel that gay sex should be something to be done in secret and ashamed of?”

    1. Spanner1960 3 May 2011, 4:53pm

      That’s pretty obvious I would have thought.
      Not everybody is as open and enlightened as us, particularly if you are literally, ‘Old School’ like this guy.

      Whether you like it or not, homosexuality is still frowned upon by a lot of people, and equally, a lot of gay people remain in the closet for that reason.

      Gay rights people can scream and shout until they are blue in the face about equality, (and much has been done in recent years), but it will take generations before LGBT people are seen as on a par with straights, if ever.

      1. but it will take generations before LGBT people are seen as on a par with straights, if ever

        Acceptance starts from whithin mate if you feel on par you will be. You have a really low opinion of yourself it’s really sad

        1. Spanner1960 4 May 2011, 2:11pm

          No, I simply have a low opinion of people in general.
          What you feel about yourself has absolutely no bearing on the general populace. The likes of the government and the church have a far bigger influence on people’s opinions.

          Most people have their mindsets worked out by the time they are 20, and it very rarely changes until the day they die. The only way real change will occur is over generations.

    2. In the case of the academic, he paid for sex in secret because he’s still married to his wife.

      Whatever the rights and wrongs of getting married to a woman, it’s a choice made by a lot of gay men who are in their sixties and older today, and who were young at a time when coming out was very difficult indeed. Though the world has moved on, some of those people still feel trapped by choices they made decades ago.

      Leaving aside the cheating, this man had been lying to his wife for perhaps thirty or even forty years of marriage. That’s not easy to face up to. Especially as he may have feared losing his family, and the friendship of his wife.

      Should he have cheated on her? No. Should he have told her the truth of his identity, regardless of whether he cheated? Yes.

      But I can understand why he felt that any chance for an open, honest life had passed him by.

      Hopefully now both the academic and his wife will both be able to make a new start – married or apart…

      …but after STI tests.

      1. Spanner1960 4 May 2011, 11:36am

        That’s all very well and good to be judgemental of others when you don’t know the full facts of the matter. For all you know he and his wife had a very good relationship, so the only person that was troubled was himself.

        Coming out may make that person feel a lot better, but it can have devastating effects on the people around them. In this case it would be a forgone conclusion that their marriage would break up, the family would fragment and they would both lose a lot of friends. Sometimes it can be a case of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” – Coming out can ultimately be quite a selfish act.

        It may seem immoral, but sometimes one just has to live with that guilt to protect others. I speak from personal experience having been through a similar scenario when I was younger, and although now everybody knows I am gay except my elderly parents, which I have done simply to protect them from a lot of heartache and unnecessary concern.
        Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

        1. A lot of truth there, Spanner. Things are rarely as easy as they seem for some people, and it’s easy to forget that many people had/have things a lot harder than others usually through no fault of their own really.
          I feel sorry for this man. Nobody deserves to be blackmailed like that.

      2. Nicely said, atalanta.

    3. I htink it should be done on every park bench etc. Give the jesus freaks a boner.

      and 30 mos in prison – well I guess he’ll discover what it means to be woman in the big house.

      BTW< I've met a dozen or more gay people who by societal pressure married conventionally. After 2-20 years all these marriages failed.

      But the interesting thing is most of the spouses remarried thanks to help from their ex re finding a str8 partner. And the gay person is sstill best friends.

      A far cry from the monsters of the catholic church best known as the Mafioso of Pedophilia.

      And RATZInger who showed his true colors by UNexcommunciating a bishop williamson who is a holocaust denier.

      http://www.nobeliefs.com/SIZAN.htm, but first reverse the 5 letters in caps. PN does censorship.

  2. *Vom*. You’d have to be pretty desperate to PAY some HOMELESS guy for sex or a bj. Apt name for a cruising area mind, Paradise Woods.

    1. Are homeless guys statistically less attractive than people with a fixed abode? Or are your antennae trained to be attracted to people based on their grooming and designer wardrobe?

      1. Nope but I woulda thought some homeless dude sleeping rough hasn’t washed in a month or more, wouldn’t you? My comment was pertaining to hygiene rather than physical attraction. Is your antennae trained to jump on a comment without thinking it through first?

        1. You clearly don’t know anything about homeless people. Most of them wash as regularly as you do, at public baths, in hostels or in public conveniences.

        2. I don’t believe hygiene is the priority for those that engage in rectal sex!

  3. How depressing. It’s like a story from half a century ago.

    1. Eddy, the original one, from 2007 3 May 2011, 6:56pm

      Yes, Riondo, it is like a story from half a century ago, and yet it is a story from today. Thankfully there are not so many stories like this heard in the UK now, but there are 1000s of stories like this unravelling today in Eastern Europe, Africa, the Middle East, and beyond. Sometimes some of us, in the West, living in something of a bubble, forget reality.

      1. I agree. As legal equality advances and public and official homophobia lose respectability, it is easy to forget all the communities and places where little has changed. Being vocal and visible are the only continuing hope.

  4. Deeside Will 3 May 2011, 7:39pm

    Yes, this certainly is a very sad story. What we need to remember is that, if some people had their way, this is what things would be like for pretty well ALL of us, and that what we must fight for is a time when things needn’t be like this for ANYONE.

    1. Nobody forced the silly conniving old cheater to hide. he chose to out of shame for his dishonesty and deceit, not due to any perceived pressure from society.. Had he been a man of character, this ‘elderly’ individual would have fought his rectal/penile urges toward a far younger man and stayed loyal to his wife, not wishing to upset or hurt her. Of course, in the twisted moral climate we have now, self gratification and selfish desire trumps morality and loyalty. Hence, to some, his cheating ways were justified.

  5. £10!!!….stingey old git!

  6. Phillp Ellis is the really victim here. Here was a person so desperate to get their next fix he accepted a “tenner for a blowjob” from a wealthy individual who knowingly took advantage of this homeless man because he knew he would accept and more importantly because he was one of hundreds of thousands of forgotten, abused and marginalised homeless across the country. Can you really say that it’s sadder to see the Academic’s family suffer this embarrassment than it is for Philip Ellis to be exploited in such a degrading manner. And a tenner, seriously!!!

    1. That’s a very generous view but, failing confirmation one way or the other, he could just as easily have offered a “sex act” for a tenner – and he rather loses sympathy by then going on to blackmail, don’t you think?

  7. Things may have changed and moved on, I have worked with a number of men who are married and either cheating on thier wives with other men or intend to, I foolishly thought this only affected men in their 50′s and 60′s, but in my work I get men in their 20′s and 30′s who have felt pressured in one way or another to conform and marry. We have a long way to go, if our culture was more accepting then perhaps both of these men would be in a different plance

    1. Spanner1960 4 May 2011, 7:02pm

      The Asian community are particularly prone to this due to the whole ‘arranged marriage’ thing. If you were to pull out for any reason, the family would disown you.
      And that’s just the guys, lesbians would be under severe threat if they decided to come out.

    2. What is your occupation?

      1. The above question is for Ian.

  8. I’d like to commend the courts who in my view have dealt with this extremely well and got the sentence about right.

    1. It is a shame that it is not eaasier for closet gay men to meet others more easily. I certainly find that that is the case. I would love there to be a venue where olderguys can meet up. Cambridge appears to have a single gay pub (Bird in Hand) and the only other avenue for us is cruising whichis filled with all sorts of risks including public order offences. I would love there to be a venue for us oldies to meet – any suggestions?.

      1. The moon!

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