While my sympathy’s are with the friends and relatives of this man I must also say… when you cruise at night in dark public places you are taking risks that are not worth the gain. Make “friends” elsewhere.
I hope the perpetrators of this crime are soon found out and punished.
That poor man! I hope they catch the people who did this to him before they have the chance to do it to someone else.
when you cruise at night in dark public places you are taking risks that are not worth the gain
Perhaps you shouldnt comment on this poor mans gains. Some gay men still , even in this day and age still have too much too lose to come out. I was only speaking to an elderly gentleman the other day who uses these places, that as a man in his early 60s that if he came out he would lose all his family. As some one who has always felt that cruising areas should be protected for the use of gay men to be able to meet safely. After all if being gay was not problem in this day and age , why do we come to this site to read story after story of how so many people out there still think we are a perversion and that we should be crushed. This poor mans life , or how he died is a prime example of this. Some of the worst discrimination comes from the LBGT community its self. The scene in particular is very prone to victimize against age, looks, postion and campness. Most of the time on the cruising areas for many guys these places give them a level playing field. I met my partner on one , and we have been together now for ten years. I last walked into a gay bar/club in the mid 90s and would never go to one again. My local cruising area gave me my partner, a group of friends and a future , that up until I went there, I had nothing. I now work very hard to help these area remain open to offer some gay men out there the chances that the scene never offered me.
cont…. but cruising areas did and do.
It is a tragic shame. This man didn’t deserve to die and ultimately we don’t know what led to his death. It could have been any number of reasons and the assumption is that it was a homophobic attack.
I think it’s a generation thing. The older amongst us are more comfortable and more at ease with using crusing grounds but then with the younger generation it’s more internet based. It’s the same thing, just different ways of achieving it.
Personally, I think it’s a stupid thing to do. Going into a darkened park looking for a shag puts you in danger. There is no question.
saying he should’t have gone cruising cos it’s dangerous is really not helpful. focus on the hardened criminals who feel that they can target those who are vulnerable. akin to suggesting girls shouldn’t wear provocative clothes cos it might attract criminal attention. jeez some people…
In all fairness it wasn’t meant to be helpful. It may also seem rather harsh but there’s a simple lesson to be had out of this tragedy. As gay men, we’re arguably targeted more than most. Encouraging that attention by placing ourselves in more danger is ill advised and it’s about time people started to either:
A) Learn how to fight back or run
B) Don’t put yourself in such a dangerous spot in the first place.
You know what? I actually don’t buy this whole notion of “people have a right to cottage” because it’s a dangerous practice and there are enough saunas clubs, bars and shag parties to choose from.
That’s not me being prudish (trust me, I’ve done much of the above), nor being spiteful (I have a genuine interest in gay men learning how to prevent themselves coming to harm) or is it me being judgemental (common sense dictates spending hours in the dark trying to have sex with strangers is playing with fire).
Yes, we have a right to shag where, when and whom we want but seriously…just be safe!
A year late !!
Who can remember what they were doing a year ago ?
Walking the dog ?
Driving somewhere ?
Heard stories where members of public did try and apprehend gay baskets and the police didn’t help.
its not about a right to cottage , its about a right to meet. This man was killed because he was gay , not because he was cottaging. I reserve the right to meet whom I want where I want, just like my straight counter parts do. And all this argument about sex in public. 99 percent of the counrty has had sex outside from heavy petting to a full shag. Ask your mums and dads where they did most of their courting in the 50s and 60s. You only have to have sex outside once and your as guilty as the rest of us. The gay community does it self more harm and it supresses itself more than sometimes than those outside the community do. Look at stonewall and the pressure that was needed for it to stand up for gay marraige. Dont do yourselves down by jioning in with inverted discrimnation. And for all those who think we as gay men should not meet in parks and dark places, may I ask your PERMISSION where I can meet.
@Rm, on Nov 1 2009 i was run over by a boy racer at approx 8pm, the police didn’t do anything. they said there was no proof, despite several eyewitnesses plus my own account. that was over a year ago, i remember it like it was yesterday.
Poster “Danny” nailed it on the head. Thank you, sir.
Public parks or any other outdoor venues are not the place to cruise or have sex in, period. Saying “everyone does it” doesn’t make it right or acceptable. In today’s world gays no longer need to crawl around or have sex in the shadows with a perspective partner. If we want the straight world more accepting of us gays get out of the bushes and into a room with four walls. Anything else just isn’t worthy of “human” behavior.
Westcoastkid, have your ever been to a cruising ground!
dave – If by “cruising ground” you mean a public park at night, then no. I value my life… and my health. I like to see what I am interested in and a dark corner of a bushy park in the middle of the night just doesn’t make the grade. I might also add that the public at large has a right to expect not to stumble upon on two guys going to it no matter what time the day of night. It may be called public sex but I venture to say not many in the general public want to see it.
so in your daily life how many gay men have you scene having sex?
should read seen , sorry.
“its about a right to meet” – Go ahead, meet whomever you please. My argument is that it’s better to be safe than sorry and trooping around a park at night looking for a sex isn’t being ‘safe’.
“The gay community does it self more harm and it supresses itself more than sometimes than those outside the community do. Look at stonewall and the pressure that was needed for it to stand up for gay marraige. Dont do yourselves down by jioning in with inverted discrimnation. And for all those who think we as gay men should not meet in parks and dark places, may I ask your PERMISSION where I can meet.”
Yeah everyone, go out there and reject mainstream society and heterosexual morals and values because your sexuality dictates it. Go on, go and have sex in the park – hell go and even facerape strangers in the street.
Seriously, rules and laws are there to protect us. We may not agree with them, we may not like them and they may not always work but they are there for a reason.
Guys, if any of you are reading this and are thinking about cottaging don’t do it. Go on gaydar or go to a bar, or a sauna, or a sex club. Do not put yourself in danger.
Amen, Danny, Amen.
A few years ago on a popular American gay blog, Towleroad, (can I say that here?) there was a storyline about gay men having public sex in nature both day and night in the bushes on Fire Island, an uber gay summer resort near New York City. Apparently this sort of thing was getting so rampant and casual that locals were complaining to the authorities. On the Towleroad blog there was an ongoing discussion as to weather the police who had been “harassing” gay men wile they were in the “act” in the bushes, had the “right” to do so.
At that time I was a daily visitor to that site and decided to add a comment. I voiced my opinion that no one, gay or straight, had the right to have public sex in any public park at any time. I stated that I thought it was absolutely proper for the police to “beat the bushes” as it were. I was… what the word you Brit’s use… I was gobsmacked by the deluge of hate posts regarding my opinion. Some, many, even voiced their opine that it was their right(!) to have public sex. Of the 50 or so posts I believe there were about two that were I agreement with my viewpoint. I thought, surely this doesn’t represent the prevailing thought within the gay community. A majority of gays (I hope) realize not only the illegality of this type of action and the detrimental effect on our community as a whole but the danger to your own person being. Please, let’s try and lead our lives with dignity, not to mention safety, and stay out of the bushes.