Just keep repeating that to yourself Old Ma Haggard ‘He’s cured, he’s cured’.
Only trouble is I wonder is what the excuse will be the next time he has an uncontrollable urge to sleep with a man?
No better time to celebrate with a song then!…
You know it’s really hard to communicate with my head in the sand, but at least my husbands not a homosexual…
Wonder how the gay exorcism went? “Get thee behind me Satan”? ;)
Last I heard from Ted he was telling the press he was a “Straight man, suffering with homosexual urges”. That’s a bit like saying “I’m a confirmed vegan struggling with the urge to chug raw sausage”.
I would be more charitable, but lets face it, his wife and entire congregation were convinced he was straight before.
Talking of quack gay cures, this one sounds kind of familiar…
“…Jesus came to me and he said, ‘Now, now I can save you.’ ”
And lo and behold it came to pass that he acquired the the right tools.
Halle-LOOOOOOOOO-ya! Pray-iZZZZ be….! (etc.)
I am reminded of the factory sign: “JOHNSONS TOOL WORKS”. Graffito in corner: “So does mine but I don’t shout it from hoardings.”
Behold, yet another miracle!
“Is it more probable that nature should go out of her course or that a man should tell a lie? We have never seen, in our time, nature go out of her course. But we have good reason to believe that millions of lies have been told in the same time. It is therefore at least millions to one that the reporter of a miracle tells a lie.” (Thomas Paine)
PS excellent link to roy zimmerman, flapjack
As my bitchy Aunt likes to say: Spaghetti’s straight til you put it in hot water….
“Ted went to therapy to deal with his sexual demons.” Idiot! There’s no better therapy than letting it all hang out with those “sexual demons”!!!!
Simon Murphy – “Only trouble is I wonder is what the excuse will be the next time he has an uncontrollable urge to sleep with a man? ”
Erm, always a tricky one to explain to the wife, but I’d offer “Hey honey, I know how it looks but I was just kneeling here with my friend Stephano who I met at bible class, and we thought it would be a neat idea to rehearse for the second coming”
Dream on, Mrs Haggard.
Still, I daresay those delusions come in handy while promoting the book.
Fortunately I was cured cured of my straight urges at a much earlier age…Praise the Lord!
Like a lot of American superfundamentalists in an embarassing situation, she is of course promoting a book. What a surprise.
He could be Bi-. Whomever I have been in a long term relationship with, I have still had feelings for the opposite flavour. That is true now, except that my partner accepts them as just that: Feelings. Difference is he acted on them. Oooops!
Though I agree with other posts here: Nothing helps promote a book or generate publicity better than ‘stand by your man’. Hilary Clinton, I’m looking at you here …
BTW: Kitty@6 – ‘Graffito’, Nice to see someone with an education posting. Either you were forced through Latin lessons at school or you are a big fan of ‘Life of Brian’! *grins*
“Ted Haggard ‘cured’ of gay urges, wife claims”
What a laugh! His wife doesn’t seem to be cured of her blindness, though….
The idea that homosexuals can be “cured” is a key premise to our detractors. The word “cure” implies recovery from illness which perpetuates that we are in some way “sick”. The “cure” itself is that we no longer will have the desire for same gender sex thereby denying that our relationships are anything more then sex. A “cure” would mean that we would no longer be blighted by this curse and then capable of loving relationships as a result – because they only exist within heterosexual couplings. The logic then follows that by defining our sexuality as a choice capable of being changed then we are not entitled to equal rights because we can all change to the pleasant and equal world of heterosexuality.
In short, this myth denies us our humanity. It is a cruel and made up lie denied by every professional psychiatry body, and yet these bigots are still given a platform for this self serving falsehood. All the more galling that mainstream programming gives a voice to this and allows it to go unchallenged.
well that sounds an easy way out.. who are they trying to kidd? hide behind the veil of religon again
Why is it that so many people live in a world where they seem to have . . .
* Never heard of
* Never understood
* Never come across
Bisexuals, Bisexuality or Biphobia.
Why does he look so familiar to me?
…I think he looks like harvey Dent from The Dark Knight
Well Harvey Dent never claimed to be ex-gay to sell books so thats where the similarities end
Oh Lord have mercy on poor pastor Haggard, while the good Lord was blessing his work, the satanic homosexuals where putting a voodoo curse of homosexuality on the good pastor.
He is not the only one! The other week the deliverance team was called out to poor Mr Richards from the street evangelism team, after he was sneezed on by one of those transgenders last month. The poor man was then demoniacally possessed and went out and brought many items of well used women’s clothing and used cosmetics. The poor man could of spent years possessed by this demonic spirit if his wife had not found the clothing so quickly. The good Lord was merciful with Mr Richards and delivered him quickly praise Jesus.
As a confirmed spinster myself along with my good friend Betty, who has lived with me for many years. we have been possessed by the spirit of lesbianism ourselves when one night suddenly we began to passionately kiss each other. We where lucky we gained control of ourselves and called pastor Haggard, and he delivered us over the phone or who know what might of happened! to be sure it never happens again we no longer share the same bed.
I can see now why the Nazis made homosexuals wear a pink triangle so people can avoid being infected with the spirit of homosexuality. Not that I agree with what the Nazis did to Gods chosen people the Jews, that was wrong. But you can understand the need to resist the spirit of homosexuality.
I just wanted to let all you poor souls know that you can be delivered by the good Lord like pastor Haggard was. Just ask sweet Jesus into your life and hart and that demonic spirit will flee from you.
Stupid woman, her husband cheated on him this once…oops, the report says a second time in his past…oops, then she says he’s cheated on her “from time to time”, so more than twice at the very least. But hey, if it helps her sell her book and get rich from it eh?
The ones I feel sorry for, are the teenage sons/daughters of evangelicals whose parents will point to this case and say “hey look, proof positive you can be ‘cured’ if we force you into gay therapy, if not, we’ll disown you for life. The public nature of their private problems hurts other people. For this reason, I think this woman is a stupid cow who deserves no sympathy.
I must add its not only exposure to homosexuals in public spaces that can lead to demonic possession! I know of a good Christian man who after using a public water fountain was possessed by the demonic spirit of Islam, he is now a Muslim the poor soul.
‘Experiences as a child’! Oh good grief! Do us a favour… How ridiculous.
He had some experiences as a child…because of course being gay is a result of being sexually abused as a child I guess. Funny I dont recall any such incidences in my childhood, but then I havent had repressed false memory therapy which is such a sound therapuetic technique isnt it.
Hang on, rewind, hold the front page, Blanch Sadleback, are you for real or are you taking the mickey, cos it’s getting hard to tell whose actually being funny, ironic, sarcastic and such, and who is a genuine case of the wheel still spinning but the hamster being dead in these comment boxes.
Anyway, returning to my musings on gay ‘cure’ therapy, and the brilliant work done by qualified and registered counselling professionals who are willing to be named and accountable, and put there professional reputations on the line for the incredible work they do in this field….and they are where, exactly?
Pastor Haggard every year collects money for poor Christian children who are forced into public schools. We find many of these poor children are possessed by the spirit of homosexuality by exposure to homosexual teachers who infest our public school system. After their deliverance Pastor Haggard uses our money to place these poor children in good Christian private schools.
You see Tony, many of you where possessed with your homosexuality by your teachers, they also gave you other demonic spirits like socialism.
Blance Sadleback, are you for real? Or do you need to get a higher dosage of those special pills from your doctor? Your obviously literate so what happened? Are you being funny, ironic, sarcastic or do you really think like that?
He might be bi, or not. What he definitely is is a cheater, and one does not predict the other.
I know a fully gay guy who got married. He’s a Muslim. When you come from that kind of fundamentalist background, the pressure to conform is intense. My friend believes his family would kill him if they ever found out the truth. At least he isn’t deluded enough to believe he’s being tempted by demons though.
@21stCenturySpirituality – Don’t be daft, no one with a name like Blanch Sadleback is serious.
Honey, don’t you know that after something gets cured, it’s a ham! In this case he was one before as well…..
Anybody else find Ted Haggard’s eyes creepy? I’d say something is not right with that man he looks like an alien.
He said: “I was dying. I had settled in my mind exactly how I was going to commit suicide. I was preparing, and in my life, Jesus came to me and he said, ‘Now, now I can save you.’ ”
I need to know more details, like was Jesus walking on water, was he wearing a pink triangle, did he mention his success in Mel Gibson’s film, what he holding a collection basket?
I was prayed over, fasted and subjected to Christian counselling (tortured) many times in my youth by my fundamentalist christian parents and their church. I’m still a transsexual I just have a three inch scar on my wrist from the suicide attempt caused by trying to conform to their so called christian norm. Oh and I also now have a court injunction against my parents and members of their church so they can not come near me or talk to me.
You can not cure your inner most feelings about who you are. You can push them to the back of your mind, but like Edgar Allan Poe’s – The Tell Tale Heart, it keeps reminding you its there every day of your life.
Abi – Good point well made. This is the dark side of ex-gay therapy. What the fundamentalists fail to admit is that so-called “Unwanted same sex attraction” is only “unwanted” in the first place because of the intense social pressure to conform exerted by themselves.
I spent so long in denial as a result of that kind of pressure and bullying I thought I was an Egyptian crocodile! Why would any of us put ourselves through all that crap if we could just will ourselves straight?
Kudos for getting that restraining order though.
sounds like he needs a specialist and a straight jacket. Jebus aint real you crazy raving homo!
Yes Jean-Paul, there’s much that’s left out about Jesus’s frankly overdramatic timing in this instance. Why did he wait till almost the last minute for this little bout of salvation? If saving were needed, wouldn’t it have been more practical to have done it at an earlier stage? At least then we’d have been spared this ridiculous soap opera and incidentally the book tour too.
(BTW Dionysian @ 14 – do I sense an agendum? Graffito/graffiti is Italian!)
Interesting to see that he wanted to kill himself after the revelations. So all the time it is behind closed doors then he was clearly okay with it?
If only it was that simple, eh?
I hope one day and Very soon these hypocrites learn that this kind of treatment is more damaging. They s=certainly need to get over themselves!
Complete moron springs to mind.
Now, Mrs Haggard, what are you going to do about curing your pathological homophobia?
Oh mercy be yall are all blinded by your sin that you can not see the Lords truth. Mrs Haggard is not homophobic no good Christian woman can be. She loves yall but she hates the sin the demons make yall do. Oh I pray for yall every night when Betty and I are locked in our rooms by the pastor so the demons can not tempt us with the spirit of lesbianism again. Pastor Haggard showed Betty an I the way to resist Satan and I believe he will show yall the way to flee from your sins too.
You gay men should book yourselves into one of Pastor Haggard’s men only weekends, where yall can do manly things like wrestle and play touch football. At night I believe yall would spend a few hours naked in the sweat lodge reconnecting with your masculinity.
Until the next time, then…..
Love it…… :-)
You naughty, naughty Prick-tease. I wish you’d put an egg in your shoe and beat-it!!!
How can I have any association with that part of the male anatomy Brian? when Betty and I are both spinsters and Godly virgins too. Why we have lived together and shared the same bed in a Godly way for the past 30 years now. If it was not for Betty and I reliance on public transport to get to church and cell group we would never of been possessed by the spirit of lesbianism by some poor demon possessed woman. You know I am sure Betty and I would still share that same bed today if that had not happened.
As for beating eggs in shoes I can only say demonic forces have you confused Brian we beat eggs in bowls you poor soul.
Well I must get myself into my room now so the pastor can lock me in for the night.
Would the tools he speaks of have anything to do with his wife strapping it on?
Dear Mrs. Haggard:
Suggest you buy vibrating dildeaux (for him) with 12-volt (US) converters. Batteries are expensive and pollute the environment. I’m sure they come in strap-on models; you may have to buy an extension cord.
Hot Lube ™ will also add to his enjoyment.
How impossible, only in the land of the American dream. Dream becuse you have to be asleep to believe it. Stick him in front of some choice gay porn and strap a band to his penis, measure arousal and we we will quickly see who is cured. Dumb propaganda spreading coward! Hope your next dump is a hedgehog, and you have the “tools to deal with it!
Thank our good Lord Jesus that the Church Man has been saved from a life of pure depravity and extreme pleasure.
Our God certainly moves in a mysterious way………… I wonder if that movement is just a suductive wiggle of the hips or a full blown mince?
It’s confirmed; they’re both seriously mentally ill, willing to do ANYTHING to con you out of your money!
I agree, what a con! Why can´t these two-faced liars just admit they were lying con artists to begin with? (as it is with most of these so-called mega churches)
BTW, Blanch Sadleback TX, PLEASE strat your own evangelical website, you are a scream! :-) :-) :-)
I shouldn’t let it bother me, Haggard’s use of the “I was abused as a child and that made me gay” excuse, but it does. It plays out so nicely for him and the far right. If anything, he comes out even better than before since he has now overcome his sinful urges, rejected homosexuality, and his marriage is, apparently, even better than it was before. Whether or not the childhood abuse is true doesn’t even matter.
M-m-m-m. Where can I get a wig like that in a darker shade? Or does Jesus prefer blonds?
“her husband’s therapy had given him the “tools” to deal with his compulsions”
I thought he was meant to be avoiding “tools”?!
Blair #47 – Yep, just what I’d like to see.
And as for his visit from Jesus – oh, that makes him SO special. The raving local evangelist near me only got visited by angels, who, coincidently, also told him that gay people were bad. Strange how ‘Jesus’ and the ‘angels’ always confirm one’s own prejudices, isn’t it?
I love Blanch Sadleback :D
I’ve heard of `gay for pay’ but this sounds like `straight for pay’
Cured – he’s been there before. Just went from a 30 yr old to a 20 year old.
the trick of the curers is to try and get people like haggard to believe that only if they follow their (anti-)christ ways will they go to heaven, otherwise they will go to hell.
So they become evermore rabid in hiding who they are. And the wife often becomes even more and more rabid feeling that she wont have her boys dick to suck when she gets to heaven, unless she helps hims be str8, by crapping on gays.
You’ve heard of the so called homophobes who hate themselves, and use hatred of gays as a way to hide who they are even from themselves.
Well this is the next layer in that game – how the snake oil salesmen of right wing christianity, capture their prey, and do a 1984- brave new world trick on their mind.
What a shame that perverts can be so clever.
Trouble is nobody got any medals for saying “You know what, yes I am conflicted: I love my wife as sincerely as any husband, but I am also attracted to men, like thousands of other good husbands. I wish there was a way for me to be true to myself that was acceptable both to society and to my partners themselves. But there isn’t. And it hurts.”
‘the ‘tools’ to deal with his compulsions’?
Was that a fleshjack or a crackstuffer?
I Love scandals about other people, but scandals about myself don’t interest me. Mine are never jucy enough!
Blanche Sadlback TX (Waddose TX mean?)
You should be ensconsed into the ‘Hall Of Pink Fame’ Indeed you seem of Godly disposition and fair countinence O Child of Pink.
A little Shakespeare for thee dear heart:-
I’ll be as patient as a gentle stream,
and make a pastime of every weary step,
Till the last step has brought me to my Love.
Now, all you holier-than-thou Popinjeys of Proes! What the Hell is wrong in hiring a couple or three ‘Rent Boys’? I remember when good looking bronzed tanned Boys used to patrol the Spanish Costa beaches in order to be picked up by rich men or woman for Tax-free Cash. So, wheather you are a humble street cleaner or Prince of the Realm, you love sex and you’ll pay if it is more exciting to do so….Dum-Diddly-Dum-Dum–Dum-Dum!
I’ve just had the shocking news that my partner is also Gay. As you might imagine I was disgusted by this news until he reminded me that we had had a Civil Partnership in 2008.
If you get on facebook..look up a group called FAITHLESS AND FREE.
Gay blessings y’all!