Although I should make one caveat: no-one should ever stay in the closet for their whole life. In fact, they should aim to be out as soon as they reasonably can. Living a lie is no way to live. Aim for truth, but choose your timing wisely (especially for minors and young adults who are still dependent on their parents).

This is a gay website. Everyone here knows what it is like to come out.

Get over your inhibitions. Come out and deal with it.

But yeah, what you say in your last paragraph does make sense so yeah maybe this will help, it doesn’t have an effect on me but I was never that sort of person who didn’t want to admit the truth in case he didn’t fit in, in an ironic manner I think I fit in more when I “turned” bi but that was because I have never really fitted in and when your not straight you almost instantly become part of this group.

But maybe I should come out for those bisexuals who want to know it’s normal, (though I just heard that and the idea that I would make a group look normal seems really mad) maybe I can use it as encouragement to do so but for now my fear is too strong.

Bisexuals are people who love people.

Class over. (Check out Dr. John Corvino’s website)

Onto a more personal matter, I think there needs to be far less emphasis on black and white sexuality in our culture. For many years I thought I couldn’t possibly be bisexual, because I like all sorts of women, but only such a small variety of men (mostly cute and non-masculine ones). I figured it was just some sort of weird fluke or fetish. It isn’t. I don’t have to like one half of the population, or even 100% of the population. I’m a bisexual individual with individual tastes. I’m fussy and picky and I likes what I likes, but the one thing that never bothers me is what bits a person’s packing under their pants or shirt.

I ams what I ams!

I am out as bisexual to most of my family, and all of my friends. It is no big deal to any of them.

Unfortunately it didn’t work out between us, partially because she couldn’t understand bisexuality and thought I was about to run off with the first guy I saw. It took several years to get over the breakup as I thought nobody (male or female) would touch ‘tainted goods’. I’m now in a relationship with a guy who understands and am openly out as bi- and feel on top of the world.

Blondie at 6: Yes, there are times when it is advisable/desirable to remain ‘closeted’. An example: I teach, so didn’t advertise it to the students. I still wear the bi-pride badge on my jacket, but I’m careful around the students to only refer to my ‘partner’ and be non gender specific. At the end of last year one of my sixth form students who was going to Uni took me to one side and said she had recognised the flag. It gave her a starting point to ask about coming out as bi- when she started her degree.

This term one of my colleagues ‘outed’ me by accident and it has become a laughing point, I wish I’d done it myself earlier. The ladies are doing a project with a local rugby club and I get asked ‘hot or not’. I feel much more relaxed and able to be myself.

Education is key to understanding, and by being out in the open it gives other people who may be in the same boat the knowlege they are not that different. I grew up thinking there was just straight or gay and couldn’t understand why I had feelings for both genders, so if more people come out it will make it higher profile, but it is still a personal decision and I fully respect anyone who wants to keep it under wraps.

But if yo u are in the closet (because of your wife’s request then I’m not sure the difficulties you experience are necessarily related to being bisexual but rather your personal circumstance.

And remember this – you are married to your wife. If you were in a relationship with a man then you probably would not be allowed to get married.

I have no issues with bisexual people as a group. I can sort of see why they may regard being bisexual as being difficult but in large part that is their own responsibility and is an internal struggle. They can and sometimes do make the choice to keep closeted and claim they are either gay or straight. No-one is forcing them to do so. If bisexual people are as large in number as we are led to believe then why aren’t they as well organised as gay groups? Is it because they don’t have to be as well organised.

“you put your right leg in, your right leg out, in, out, in, out mince it all about…”

Maybe they can get a closet door that looks like one of those stable ones, so they can be in and out at the same time.

I wonder how long ago that was? Hopefully it’s easier to get LGBT phonelines to refer you to groups like our local BiPhoria nowadays.