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Mika: ‘Bisexual, if you need a term for me’

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  1. Bisexual? Aka what famous gay men say…

  2. I think its disgusting he had a death threat!
    And bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean gay Nick

  3. “And bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean gay Nick”

    Yes it does in these situations, and bisexulaity is a myth anyway.

  4. “And bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean gay Nick”

    Yes it does in these situations, and bisexulaity is a myth anyway.

    It never cease to amaze me the stupidity of some people.

  5. jonnielondon 23 Sep 2009, 2:05pm

    No it doesn’t. 37-46% of the male population is bisexual according to the reputable Kinsey report on male sexuality. I think that once attitudes around sexuality relax a bit (and we still have quite a ways to go!) we’ll see that not unlike the bell curve for intellect we will see something rather similar for sexuality.

  6. Pumpkin Pie 23 Sep 2009, 2:58pm

    It never cease to amaze me the stupidity of some people.

    So totally agree. Such ignorance.

    I always call myself bisexual because I actually do like labels (I get that from studying psychology), but so many of my fellow bisexuals just really do not understand why they need to be labelled as anything. The idea that someone merely having the “wrong” genitals could stop a relationship from forming just sounds weird to a lot of us. Why do we need a label for having a lack of this odd hang-up?

    On a more negative note, sometimes the whole “if you have to call me anything” mindset does bug me. Seems to me that bisexuals would have a much stronger presence in the community if we actually were more fond of labelling ourselves. Sexuality matters less when it’s not an issue, so we don’t really talk about it, but this silence can leave something of a void that makes it harder for less experienced bisexuals to truly understand themselves. There’s such an emphasis, even in this day and age, on having to “choose” between the sexes, and we could counter that better by being more visible.

    PS: The idea that Mika is just scared to come out as gay is laughable. People love him precisely because he practically craps rainbows and unicorns.

  7. well good for him anyway.

    I like the idea of getting rid of labels and just following your destiny. The question of more interest would be ‘are you as comfortable to be seen with your partner in public, whether it was a boy or girl?’

  8. “Hiding in the closet and sitting on the fence, if you need a term for me”

    Vulpus is spot on. ‘Bisexuality’ is just a smokescreen for people lacking the bollocks to stand up and be counted.

  9. Pumpkin Pie 23 Sep 2009, 3:53pm

    You make as little sense as always, RobN. He is standing up and being counted as bisexual. I wish more bisexuals would do that.

  10. ” ‘Bisexuality’ is just a smokescreen for people lacking the bollocks to stand up and be counted. ”

    SOMETIMES, RobN. I get what you’re saying in a way because for SOME gay or lesbian people saying they’re bisexual is kind of a stepping-stone to coming out.

    But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people who actually ARE bisexual. Mika? No idea, and I’d tend to agree with him that who he sleeps with is no-one else’s business.

    Pumpkin Pie: “..he practically craps rainbows and unicorns.”

    Well put! :D

  11. Iris: I have gone through all my personal reasonings on this matter many times before, and I really can’t be arsed to reiterate. Basically, the bottom line is that many people in the public eye like to keep one foot on the pier, and one in the boat, that way if it all goes horribly wrong, they can still jump back. For some bizarre reason, many people may look down on gay people, yet if they claim to be bisexual are given some kind of excuse “It’s just a phase” – and it’s an immediate ‘get out of jail free’ pass. It also prevents a good looking chap from alienaing his younger female fans who have the bizarre tnage notion they might one day end up in bed with him. This all may seem laughable, but having worked with many gay music artistes that hide their sexuality, they do it primarily for that very reason. Cover all your bases, then you can do no wrong.

  12. People who claim that bisexuality is a ‘smokescreen’ are really no different from people who claim that homosexuality is a ‘choice’ or some sort of ‘myth’.

    Honestly, you would think gay people would be more sympathic to the complexicty of human sexuality.

  13. RobN – I do get what you’re saying – particularly in relation to celebrities. I hate it when you see Hollywood stars who seem to feel obliged to hide their sexuality when you get the feeling that they’d rather not if it wasn’t for their career. You’re also right about male singers keeping quiet in order not to alienate the hordes of screaming young girls.

    My only point was that your comment SEEMED to imply that that applied to all bisexuals. Maybe that wasn’t your intention and it was just my reading of it – apologies if that’s the case.

  14. Rev JD Spears 23 Sep 2009, 5:13pm

    The idea that bisexuality is nonexistent is a very irritating statement. For the bisexual has had to endure harassment and rejection from both the straight and gay communities. Bisexuality is real, does exist, and should not be rejected just because you are uncomfortable with it.

    Rev JDSpears, minister to GLBTI

  15. “Honestly, you would think gay people would be more sympathic to the complexicty of human sexuality.”

    I am, but I am more cynical about the blatant obviousness of human nature.

  16. Anyone who says bisexuality is not real is blatantly and idiot and a fool. So sexuality is black or white? I think not, there are without doubt people out there who are bisexual.
    It annoys me and completely disgusts me when this attitude comes form gay people. The gay community in the past has gone through a lot of crap such as being labelled vermin, people claiming homosexuality was just a disease or a phase…
    Yet you’re quite willing to give the bisexual community grief?

  17. John (Derbyshire) 23 Sep 2009, 7:24pm

    I don`t usually agree with you RobN-but on this issue I feel your comments are spot on!

  18. dave whack 23 Sep 2009, 7:35pm

    Off course bisexuality exists. to say it doesnt is being stubbornly prejudiced which is just as bad as homphobes defining gays as unsure of their sexuality, going through a phase. I am in a long term loving relationship with a male and we are out as a same sex couple.He has allowed me to have the occasional shag with women. the reason i do that is because i also enjoy a shag with women. Im not confused or unclear about my preferences. Neither do i have any ulterior motives .

  19. Dave whack: Not only do you define yourself as someone that “likes chips and rice on the same plate”, but typifies the greedy man that considers his relationship so unfulfilling he has to resort to the ridiculous farce known as an “open relationship”. Maybe for once you should forget about your sexuality and chucking rocks in a Kew Gardens hothouse, and try keeping your dick in your pants for once.

  20. such biphobia from people who should know better. if yo had any shame you’d be embaressed right now

  21. jonnielondon 23 Sep 2009, 8:37pm

    I agree, Pumpkin, RobN, you make absolutely no sense yet again, dude!

  22. I myself am a guy, one that if he saw a naked attaractive female he would get a hard on and if he saw a naked attractive male he would get a hard on. And if I fell in love with someone, any gender, I would hope that I would get the chance to marry them. Now I hear you lot say that bisexuality is not a real thing and you can but why don’t you while your at it explain what you would call me, I am clearly not a homosexual and I am clearly not a hetrosexual. I can’t be neither because that original statement is 100% true, trust me I tested it, so for you bisexual doubters, what am I? You lot should know, why wouldn’t you know some complete stranger from one comment over the internet? it’s like the Roman Catholics, of course they know more about homsexuality than homosexuals, homosexuality is clearly a sex driven, sinful choice of life.

    But past my sarcasm filled rants, I do admire what this guy is saying, it would be nice if he said something like, he wouldn’t be ashamed to be a homosexual because there is no shame in it, or something along those lines but I have always thought in a similar vein to this, that sort of don’t live in boxes thing, I like what I like and I don’t like what I don’t like, that is the only boxes I need. Actually it’s the reason like this I would use the less well known word “pansexual” to better describe myself but bisexual is easier to use without going into explaining it.

    Oh I would like to make one last comment, it would be easy for someone like me to deny the homo/hetro boxes and say that you are too scared to love both (if you were bi you might lose your gay friends) but I don’t, I am not that arrogant that I assume I know your sexuality better than your own self, how could I possibly? I seriously can’t understand how I would be able to know your sexuality better than yourself.

  23. Wow, such much judgement about a person no one is claiming to know personally. If a heterosexual artist tries to pass themselves off as bi they are slammed on this board for cashing in on our community and when a seemingly gay artist identifies as bi they are slammed for not being “honest.” No wonder artists choose to stay in the closet…..

  24. Mihangel apYrs 23 Sep 2009, 9:47pm

    Does it really matter, none of us are likely to shag him, so which way he swings is only an issue in terms of role modelling, visibility, and “another one on our side”.

    Bisexuality does exist (I know, my first boyf swung both ways, though gay was the dominant interest), and we, as gays, ought to appreciate the differences between people, rather than trying to stuff them into the “easy for us” box.

    I’ve said before, homsaps are people first then potential partners!

  25. “It never cease to amaze me the stupidity of some people. ”

    The sheeplike lack of critical thinking of some people never ceases to amaze me.

    There are plenty of women who use vibrators; just because they derive sexual pleasure from this does not mean they are vibratorsexual – they don’t want to fall in love and have a relationship with an inanimate object.

    There are plenty of people who will have sex with both men and women. I have never, ever yet met anyone who could settle down and have a relationship with both, no more than they could with a vibrator.

    Bisexual sex is often nothing more than a wank and is frankly a cover story for someone who can’t deal with what they actually really want.

  26. bisexuals get crap from straight people, gay people and even trans people, why the hel would any celeb think that pretending to be bi would get them less abuse?!

    and vulpus_rex- your a biphobic fool.

  27. Sexuality is fluid. There is no such thing as gay, bi or straight. They are convenient labels which insecure people like to use to compartmentalise, just so they can feel more secure because nothing scares them more than the unknown. “Gay” in particular defines a lifestyle more than it does human sexuality, as there are many men off the scene who you would call gay but who do not identify as such, even if they do like a physical connection with other men. Yes, most people on this forum are predominantly homosexually inclined, but no one can be entirely sure if that inclination is 100%, because any one of a myriad of situations could prove otherwise. Gay? Bi? Straight? Pah!!!!

  28. Vulpus_rex 24 Sep 2009, 9:30am

    “and vulpus_rex- your a biphobic fool”

    Biphobic would imply that I have an irrational dislike of people who define themselves as Bisexual – is this actually what you mean?
    Also do you not understand the difference between “your” and “you’re”?

    I don’t care what people call themselves and certainly wouldn’t dislike them for it, I might of course pity their self-indulgent need to be dishonest.

  29. bisexuality exists and is not a lie
    it’s terrible that so many people don’t accept bisexuals even gays and lesbians
    Good luck to Mika

  30. Vulpus_rex, i do not need your pity. I am bi. Why should i be pitied over that fact? I’m both sexually and romantically attracted to men and women. Nothing dishonest or self indulgent about that!

  31. Pumpkin Pie 24 Sep 2009, 1:24pm

    Regarding the whole issue of gay artists using “bi” as a safety term to avoid alienating fans, it does happen, but when you start assuming every artist who identifies as bi is lying, then you’re as much of a fool as people who believe every single one of them (if not more so). What are you trying to say? Bisexual people can’t be talented or popular?

    Like I said before, Mika is camp as camp can be. People love that about him and he is not some sort of shallow teen heart-throb pop-star. There is no reason why he wouldn’t come out as gay if he were gay. I’m tired of seeing these gay “experts” deciding who’s bi and who isn’t. The way Mika described his sexuality sounded genuine to me, and it sounded like something I can relate to. Are there even any bisexual people on this site who actually think he’s just a gay guy playing it safe?

    There are plenty of women who use vibrators; just because they derive sexual pleasure from this does not mean they are vibratorsexual – they don’t want to fall in love and have a relationship with an inanimate object.

    They are not sexually attracted to the vibrator. Pretty big difference there.

    There are plenty of people who will have sex with both men and women. I have never, ever yet met anyone who could settle down and have a relationship with both, no more than they could with a vibrator.

    First, hello, pleased to meet you – you can bump that list of yours up to “one”. Second, this is completely irrelevant. Sexuality refers to sexual attraction. It makes no difference if a person only dates one sex, if they are attracted to both they are bisexual. Going out with people of different sexes makes for very different experiences. People can’t help it if they prefer one type of relationship over the other. One of my best pals is a bisexual woman who actually finds women more attractive (overall, there are exceptions) than men, but rarely ever has long-term relationships with women. She’s a competitive city girl who’s drawn to other competitive city girls, which means her relationships with women always turn out really – you guessed it – competitive. Her relationships with men tend to be more mellow, so she prefers those.

    Biphobic would imply that I have an irrational dislike of people who define themselves as Bisexual – is this actually what you mean?

    Yes, you are very much biphobic. You don’t have to feel the urge to commit violent hate crimes on us to be biphobic, you just need to treat us with the utter contempt you’ve already shown. You remember the way we always call those religious fundamentalists who claim to “hat the sin, not the sinner” homophobic, even though they’re saying they don’t actually hate us? Yep, same thing here.

    I don’t care what people call themselves and certainly wouldn’t dislike them for it, I might of course pity their self-indulgent need to be dishonest.

    Prime example of what I was talking about right here.

  32. Pumpkin Pie 24 Sep 2009, 1:25pm

    ^
    Yeah, I meant “hate the sin”, not “hat the sin”.

  33. vulpus_rex 24 Sep 2009, 3:08pm

    “They are not sexually attracted to the vibrator. Pretty big difference there”

    Agreed but it depends on whether you believe bisexuals are sexually attracted to both sexes or just will use one or the other like you can use any sexual aid. I happen to think the latter.

    “First, hello, pleased to meet you – you can bump that list of yours up to “one”.”

    I will accept what you say in good faith, but we haven’t really met.

    You then go onto give a understanding of Bisexuality that differs from mine. Yours has no moral, ethical or empirical superiority, and certainly not because it happens to match what a friend of yours believes/does.

    “you just need to treat us with the utter contempt you’ve already shown.”

    This is how words lose their power, if you dilulte the meaning you dilute the impact. To have a different opinion that you personally don’t like does not make someone phobic on the grounds of difference alone.

    A phobic action does not take place because one individual is poorly equipped to deal with a challenge to their own opinions. (Even if, as I will grant you, the challenge is critical).

  34. “Agreed but it depends on whether you believe bisexuals are sexually attracted to both sexes or just will use one or the other like you can use any sexual aid. I happen to think the latter.”

    The same could be said of any person of any sexuality. I’d like to think that relationships are about more than sex. Are you implying that you believe bisexual people are just over-sexed or something? That’s crap. I know bisexual people who simply find others attractive for many reasons which are entirely independent of the genitals that the person happens to possess. Not one of them is promiscuous, nor do they appear to find more people attractive than anyone straight or gay. In fact, I’d say they were more fussy not less.

    I believe that, although for most people another person’s gender/sex is one of the first things we notice, for bisexual people it’s not as high up the list. That’s NOT because they’re less discerning or more sexually active, and to label their partners as mere ‘sexual aids’ is offensive. It’s as bad as saying that gay people can’t have ‘real’ relationships because it’s all about sex.

  35. dave whack 24 Sep 2009, 6:44pm

    cant believe what a twattish reply Robnoxious gave to my statement i am bisexual. excuse me for liking chips and rice! Try not drinking when you post comments! Your dick seems to be stuck inside your pants with superglue
    now your against open relationships.your so anti every think you cant have a sensible discussion about. I doubt your truly gay!

  36. One of the things I have always admired about Mika is his refusal to label himself just because a idiotic minority need to pigeon-hole him.

    Personally, I am sick and tired of the wretched creeps in the gay community who sit there sniping about other peoples sexual orientation and whether or not they should be open about it.

    The irony of it is that our own community makes a bigger deal of it than the heterosexuals do; but we are also the ones trying to tell the heterosexuals that our sexual orientation should be irrelevant. Sort your heads out, freaks, and let people get on with living their life how they want to.

  37. Bisexualty is probably a lot more common than we realize, but I cannot imagine a world in which that label applies to Mika. Anyone can see from thirty miles away that Mika is about “bisexual” as Elton John was when he came out, or as “bisexual” as Patrick Wolf is now.

    Oh well. I suppose this is a little less sad than his dancing around it.

  38. dave whack: “your so anti every think you cant have a sensible discussion about. I doubt your truly gay!”

    Rob: “Sexuality is fluid. There is no such thing as gay, bi or straight.”

    I wish you people would make your minds up.

    Mark: “The irony of it is that our own community makes a bigger deal of it than the heterosexuals do; but we are also the ones trying to tell the heterosexuals that our sexual orientation should be irrelevant.”

    I think the real reason many gay people find ‘bisexuals’ offensive is that many have gone through years of inner turmoil and soul-searching to finally face the inevitable fact that they have to stand up, be counted and come out as a gay person. Then some cretin with a new single claims to be bisexual to fit in, and steals everyone else’s hard-earned thunder. I really think most gay people recognise that admitting to being gay is a tough decision, but admitting to being bisexual is just a complete cop-out of the highest order, and that it devalues their own personal struggle.

    I’ll get my coat…

  39. Pumpkin Pie 25 Sep 2009, 12:59am

    I really think most gay people recognise that admitting to being gay is a tough decision, but admitting to being bisexual is just a complete cop-out of the highest order, and that it devalues their own personal struggle.

    Please elaborate. This doesn’t make any sense.

  40. vulpex_rex, I am a bisexual who would fall in love with… well, who he falls in love with, gender is really irrelevent, I cant’t see why I would focus on their gender if I fall in love with them.

    Oh and RobN, I wouldn’t mind being called homosexual because of course there is no shame in it, there is absolutely no reason I should be ashamed so there is no thunder, there is no difficult decision as you put it, I am what I am, if that’s gay then so be it and if it’s bi then so be it but the truth is, yes, I am what I am and I am a guy who likes both men and women, sorry if you had difficulty coming to terms over your sexuality but pure and simply the truth is I will fall in love with who I fall in love with, despite their gender.

  41. Blondie: What I said is more what is perceived by a lot of people, rather than what may not be actually the case. I personally had no trouble coming out, but I do think that bisexuality is viewed by many as, at best, a ‘stepping-stone’ to the actual admission of their homosexuality, or at worst, sitting on the fence so that they can retain a foot in each camp and consequently be seen as ‘lacking commitment to the cause’.

  42. Yes, prejudice is a big problem, we just get wrongfully viewed as these things, just like how homosexuals get viewed as evil and perverted.
    Bisexuality does need to get more awareness to being an actual sexuality rather than being a… “stepping stone”? I don’t get that, if a “bisexual but not a bisexual” is attacked because of homophobia and he shouts “I’m Bi” would that stop the attackers? And coming out, parents got something against “fags”, just say that your bi, it’ll be fine, yeah, that makes sense.
    And as for this on the fence thing, apart from a guy wouldn’t be able to say to his male mates which girls’ arses he likes I can’t see there being much difference living as a bi or a gay.

  43. Brian Burton 25 Sep 2009, 6:39pm

    OOOAAAHHH! I’m a Vibratersexual. Can Vulpus Rex Help Me I Ask Myself?

  44. Bisexuality isn’t a problem. Dishonesty and homophobia are. In such a homophobic society lots of self-styled ‘bisexuals’ are probably ‘having it both ways’ or ‘keeping a foot in both camps’ but this doesn’t mean that bisexuality doesn’t exist. In my time I’ve been accused of ‘kidding’ or ‘making it up’ just when saying I’m gay, so resorting to pretending something you don’t like doesn’t actually exist is probably a common human eccentricity.
    Defending lgbt rights is what matters – not whom you sleep with.

  45. dave whack 25 Sep 2009, 8:12pm

    I have finally realised why robnoxios is on about. I have to say it but for some reason he is bitter that he is not bisexual and is ….jealous. I know its hard to believe but there is no other reason for his poison. If i were gay not bisexual i would be proud of my sexuality not bitter like rob and pleased that others had learned to love differently. I do understand rob……now. bless you.

  46. Dave Whack: I am not jealous by any standard; I have had both male and female partners in my time before I figured where my destiny lay. As it happens, now I don’t really give a sh1t about anyone. I’m not bitter, that’s just the way the world turns, however, one can play an active role in deciding what you want to do about it. In my case I just preferred to opt out completely. Girls don’t turn me on, and men just piss me off. Frankly, there’s a lot to be said for a single existence.

  47. Hi Rob. Thanks for your reply. I must say i am impressed by your honest and personal response; something you dont often find on these blogs. Of course i dont think your jealous or bitter because i dont know you. i was just being a twat! All the best.
    Dave

  48. Brian Burton 27 Sep 2009, 9:11am

    Bi-sexual is just a term to describe AC/DC is’nt it? But then, who cares about what sexuality a person is? Imagination is world-light. The world is made of it…and yet, the world cannot understand it.

  49. Brian: That was either a very profound, existential perspective on man’s perception of his own mind.

    …or your just talking out of your bumhole again. ;)

  50. Brian Burton 27 Sep 2009, 4:02pm

    RobN,
    please do not get me running to the dictionary to find out what you’ve just said!…..Now hav’nt I said before: Life is simple, It’s people who are complex!.. Being a coal-miner’s son and brought up in the University of Life, I think I have learned much more than any University Professor!

  51. Riondo, thank you for being more against wrongful prejudices than RobN. But I still don’t get it with the whole having it both ways thing. In my opinion, homophobia is not directed at people not having girlfriends or because of the label “gay” but more for towards people who have feelings for the same sex, usually because they have those feelings themself or that they are too scared their holy texts might be wrong.

    I also don’t see it losing any friendships or anything, I openly discuss the posssibility of me being gay with my friends, one thinks I am (I am Bi but I wont go into my personal life) which I don’t blame her, I have never found it to make a difference and not really any easier and at times hatred is directed more towards bisexuals than gays, we are seen as being allowed to make a choice by those who realise homosexuality isn’t or we are seen as non existent.

    Though I would be interested on a more in depth version of your opinion just so I can understand how you think it would be easier claiming to be Bi or even if there any “ex-Bis” out there, I would be curious to hear their stories, assuming there are some.

  52. Brian Burton 29 Sep 2009, 7:54am

    Blondie Dear,
    Why be so complex about sexuality. Simply be yourself and do not be influenced by anything but your own heart. These periods of ajustment come and go in a flash and then, you look back and say: “Was I like that?” As long as you have Love in your soul, the one person you cannot deceive is yourself. Harmony of soul and body is disrupted by thoughts of, ‘who am I?’ or even ‘what am I?’ We all tend to live our life and there is a price to pay along the line.

  53. It is perfectly true that many gay men and lesbians have been through phases where they identified as bisexual as part of their coming out process. And the bi community is happy to provide the support that people need in coming to terms with their sexual orientation and identity, no matter what that is. I think we’re pretty proud of providing that safe space where people can come to terms with who they are – I know I am.

    Interestingly, many gay men and lesbians of my acquaintance spent quite a long time thinking they were straight. Of course, none of them deny that heterosexuality is real.

    I’m fascinated by the choice bi people are given: either have multiple relationships with people of different genders and gender identities in quick succession or at the same time, in which case we’ll either say you’re screwed up or we might decide you’re bi, but we’ll also call you a sex-crazed slut (even if we’re having casual sex left, right, and centre, or committed poly relationships); or be involved in long-term monogamous relationships, in which case we will decide your orientation based on your partner’s gender or gender identity (those of us with genderqueer partners get to explore even more layers of fear surrounding identity – hoorah!).

    It fascinates me that so many people think that celebrities coming out as bi means that things are safer for them. It may be true in the case of women who are not seen as activists, but that’s more because a) most straight men fancy the idea of attractive women having sex, and b) women’s sexuality just isn’t that socially important; for men, being out as bi is as dangerous as being out as gay – you don’t get half queer-bashed or half verbally abused – with the added bonus of hostility from the very people who ought to know better.

    It’s a rum old do.

  54. Brian: I would have thought a coal-miners son would know what “bumhole” meant. ;)

    Blondie: There are LOAD’s of “ex-bi’s” out there. They are called ‘Gay’. I see it many many times on chat rooms where youngsters, often new to the whole scenario claim to be bisexual, I think so they feel that way they can just put ‘one foot out of the closet’, and they feel they haven’t completely dived off the cliff without some kind of ability to jump back should they have all got it wrong. Sooner or later they feel confident enough to accept their true sexuality, and drop all the pretence. Another very common group is gay Asian men that have been forced into arranged marriages. They have very little option to do so has if they were found out they would bring dishonour to their family and be completely ostracised, so they do the right thing and marry the girl, but meanwhile get their men on the side. They then see this as “bisexuality”, which we all know is not the case, but it fit’s their feelings and situation. Sometimes this continue for years, but often they realise that they are living a lie and decide to come out.

  55. I have never heard of a person who initially identifies as bi but who later identifies as straight.

    Strangely however I have met many people who now identify as gay but who originally identified as bi.

    I wonder why that is?

    Probably because the bi-label is assumed as a stepping stone for many gay people when coming out.

    Bi people cannot seem to accept this. Which is strange.

  56. Pumpkin Pie 29 Sep 2009, 3:25pm

    You then go onto give a understanding of Bisexuality that differs from mine. Yours has no moral, ethical or empirical superiority, and certainly not because it happens to match what a friend of yours believes/does.

    Sexuality refers to sexual preference. It is a psychological term. Make up all the connotations you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that if a person is sexually attracted to people of either sex, no matter what sort of relationships they’ve been in or prefer, they are bisexual.

    53: Comment by Anon

    Totally agree with this. My thoughts exactly.

    Probably because the bi-label is assumed as a stepping stone for many gay people when coming out.
    Bi people cannot seem to accept this. Which is strange.

    Did you miss Anon’s post? It was only a couple of posts above yours. And I’m sure plenty of other people have acknowledged this, too.

  57. Brian, it’s more I don’t have a problem with who I am or a problem with the idea of me being gay or bi, I am what I am and that’s the truth so identity means very little to me so just these slight curosities at times never make a difference, it’s just mere irrelevent curosity and yeah sexuality is too complex which is why I prefer not to be labeled though that is incredibly ironic considering I just tryed defending the existance of bisexuality

    Reading some of these replies, from what I can tell, these “Bis” use it more for a term while they get a better understanding of themself, at first they are “straight”, thanks to society everyone is “straight” up to a certain age and they get feelings but are then unsure because they had always identified as straight and that’s where you get them getting it wrong, no? I don’t know, I’m just struggerling with the idea, especially can’t understand the “doing it to fit in” idea so this is the best I can come up with.

  58. James Harrison 30 Sep 2009, 11:58pm

    Hello! I have just read the majority of the comments made on this thread and felt I should introduce both myself and the organisation I founded a few years ago. It’s website is http://www.bisexualbutterfly.org.uk.

    Since I set up the website we have been actively working to clear the myths surrounding bisexuality as well as providing links and support to anyone who is interested in the sexuality.

    There is a lot to discuss in response to the above posts- much more than this box should allow, so I reccomend having a visit to the site for more information on what I am about to say regarding bisexuality and the myths/stereotypes associated to bisexuality.

    1. It is important to realise when viewing bisexuality that you do not view it from a hetero- or homo- sexual perspective: There is a reason why it is considered as a seperate sexuality, so it should be viewed as such.

    2. A label (or number on a scale) is VERY different to what people feel or are attracted to. When you view sexuality you should ask “Who am I attracted to”. For bisexuals, the answer is men AND women, but not one or the other. Whilst there are some people who use the label “bisexual” as a stepping stone, there are a large number of people who do not.

    3. Due to continued stereotype, biphobia (check the website for what this is if you are not sure) and the will of many to deny people’s sexuality or attraction, many bisexuals will label themselves as gay or straight, even when they are actually bisexual. This obviously makes getting statistics about the bisexual community a difficult task and decreases the visibility of the bisexual community, even though it is quite sizeable in nature.

    4. Due to prejudices that still remain about bisexuals, it takes quite a bit of extra courage for a bisexual to come out than their gay/lesbian counterparts on the basis that a number of people in the LGT community clearly feel that the “B” is a lesser label

    5. You rarely see a bi person coming out as straight after coming out as bi as there is no need. This would be pretty daft. Please see Bisexual Butterfly’s explanation of bisexuality and you will easily see why.

    6. Coming Out for a bi person is just as much of a nailbiting experience for a bisexual, if not more so due to the risks biphobia as well as homophobia. Being Bi, although it may seem as an easy option from a homo- or hetero- sexual perspective, it is actually pretty tough. This is because (as what happened one time I came out to a gay friend) once you have had the courage enough to come out and say you are not straight, it is possible that the same person will immediately hack the wind out of your sails and tell you you are lying to yourself, a cheat and not part of the community (amongst other things). I’d hate to think of someone experiencing homophobia when coming out as gay- so what makes a bisexual receiving biphobia acceptable?

    Hope this helps the discussion.

    Jx

  59. Pumpkin Pie 1 Oct 2009, 4:15pm

    Thanks for the link, James! Looks like an interesting site. I’ll give it a good look later on this evening.

  60. Thanks James, very nice overview of biphobia and such areas, it shows alot better understanding than any of the people on here denying bisexuality.

  61. RobN:

    “I have gone through all my personal reasonings on this matter many times before, and I really can’t be arsed to reiterate.”

    Good, because us numerous, real-but-invisible bisexuals can’t be bothered to listen.

  62. Thanks James for the link will check it out at some point. Sheesh man have just spent time reading all of the comments on here & some of them are just downright rediculous! I am a straight woman (just got a link to this article on Mika who I adore) and fancied reading the comments & commenting myself.

    For me I don’t get how some of you people feel Mika is lying by saying he’s bi as some say It has to be far harder to admit you’re bi than to admit you’re gay as you’ll get far more stick for it than a gay would as not only will homophobes slate you but so will the gay’s who should support you just ’cause they can’t seem to comprehend that some peopel DO genuinely LOVE both genders.

    i actually have a female friend and she has had long term relationships with both men & women she’s equally happy with both, she did find it terribly hard to admit to being bi & said she’d have preferred to be one or the other as coming out as bi was horrendous for her! so it really is no easier for anyone to say they’re bi!

    I really think you people should open up your minds get out of the last centuary & bring yourselves kicking & screaming into this centuary & into the reality that things aren’t always black & white!

    I accept bi’s gays, straight people and those who are just downright confused, those who are tv & tg it doesn’t matter to me, i think it’s o.k to be who you are don’t be so concerned with labels & what other people think.

    I certainly don’t think gays or bi’s are just going through a phase or bi’s are in denial that would be totally insane!

    I am personally certain Mika is telling the truth & is bi or else why would he eye me up then? lol

    ask yourself that one! hahaha and no I wasn’t kidding! :D lucky devil me lol

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