Well Duncan, there is nothing Blue about comming out as bi-sexual or Homosexual for that matter. To come out to such a disreptable, filth Rag a the ‘Screws of the world’ is not a good outing start. You could have contacted Pink News or did the filthy rag pay you a fee? The good thing is you outed in the first place. So, what am I griping about?
Brian Burton – Could have been worse… imagine what the Daily Mail would do with that story!
Va-va-va-voom! What a doll? It must be something in the breakfast cereal.
Dose the Daily Mail like to speak it’s mind as I do?
The News of the Screws probably threatened to out him if he didn’t give them an interview and do it himself.
I agree with Bentham, Duncan is hot. Maybe a few more celebs like him will come out now too.
Darrien, Gotcha! Yes indeed!
Didn’t the Sun do the same with Stephen Gately, threaten to out him if he didn’t give them the exclusive?
“I love being intimate with a woman, I love breasts. I do think girls can be a lot more emotional.” Haha, typical News of the (Straight, sexually dissatisfied, male) World interview style. Fire questions, print parts of the answers they like word for word. Oh, for the story to have been told to a decent journalist!
My hatred of his chosen rag aside, I think it’s great that Mr James has chosen to come out. It’s always nice to count a genuine, hot, quite masculine celebrity among our number. Very brave, but it would have been even more brave if he’d done it sooner… it’s a shame some people still feel society isn’t ready for somebody to be gay before fame (I say c’mon! Look at Will Young!)
Are we supposed to be surprised by Duncan James coming out???!!! If only I had put money on this years ago, I would be very rich now!!
For someone who’s not ashamed he certainly is going off the deep end to make sure everyone knows that he’s still OK because he LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN. I guess this is supposed to make him better and more acceptable than those of us who are 100% queer.
strange that he’s ‘come out’ just before a comeback tour. I supose he needs the money.
Oh and BTW boys: Bisexuals do like Women too. I know it clouds you Gay Brains to think it but some people like both men a-n-d women.
No 9: Daniel Wilkes: You think Duncan James is ‘very brave’ for coming out as bi?
Perhaps but it’s no braver than what any of us have done by coming out. I think it’s good that he is being honest but he does work in one of the gayest industries in the world (the pop industry has always had huge gay involvement since waaaaaaaaaaaay back. ) He would also have known that because other boyband members like Stephen Gately from Boyzone and Mark Feehily from Westlife and Will Young that there is virtually no career risk in coming out.
Well done for coming out Duncan but let’s not pretend what he’s doing is particularly brave.
Va-va-va-voom! What a doll! It must be something in the breakfast cereal.
Yet another fence-sitting queen frightened he might alienate his female fans, thus sending his record sales and quasi-celebrity status into a flat spin. Admit you’re a faggot and maybe what you lose on the girls you’ll make on the boys.
A lot of so called “bi’s” are in denial. Its safer to say you enjoy WOMEN and that they’re more emotional than men which is definitely NOT true. Looking at him for the first time, I see “GAY”. Any gay male could have sex with a woman if he so wanted, purely mechanical, but it doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t make you bi either. I’ve met some pretty scewed up so called bi men, married and single, who claim that romance is reserved for women only, go figure. Marriage to the opposite sex too is another masquerade for some gay men who NEVER come out, not just for the stigma associated with it but for financial reasons, purely selfish ones at that. Some even vote against our rights. I’m very very leery of people who call themselves “bi” for the most part.
He can’t be that strict a catholic; its a sin to sleep around with women as much as it is a sin to be Gay!!!!(not sure about wot the RC church thinks of Bi? Burn them?)
Good to see another out bisexual in the news – both mainstream and LGBT. I wonder if he’ll be playing at the bigger Bi events such as BiCon?
Sorry to see comments here denying other people’s sexuality and attacking them for it – we hardly need the gutter press to incite hatred if we are so good at attacking our own.
there is no such thing as bi-sexual, its just greediness
lindy, gimme gimme gimme, circa 2001ish
Wow! A member of a boy band is gay!! In other related shocking news I can announce exclusively that a number of cabin crew are also homosexual.
Anyone doubting that it’s brave to come out as bisexual need only read some of the comments on this thread to see how common biphobia is even in a gay-friendly space. Some people are bisexual; get over it.
I can’t understand the comments querying if bisexuality exists, or if bi men are really gay! Since when homosexual men enjoy sex with women or straight men have sexual relationships with men? Rather than trying to redefine these words in such tortured ways, just face facts: Bisexuality exists, it’s possible to be bi and it’s not a cop out, it’s not confusing and it’s not denial.
Judiging by the prejudice in these comments it’s certainly not easier to come out as bi.
I agree completely with those who are citing the ridiculous biphobic comments that this article has elicited. Bisexuals exist and we are a proud part of the community who deserve respect and equality just as much as others identifying at Lesbian Gay and Trans! My sexuality is not a phase and a fad and isn’t inferior to your sexuality!!!!
There are many forms of human sexuality; vive la difference I say(!)
RobN- pipe down with your biphobic comments.
My first reaction was- what a great way to get some positive publicity to conincide with the new tour! But coming out is in and of itself a great thing to do and it is his right to pick the timing to suit himself. Far braver to come out as bi than as gay (for a man, that is…)
Anyone who says bisexuality doesn’t exist is talking pish.
indeed alison they are.
Let’s all just wait to see who his next girlfriend is.
If that ever happens again.
I’ve been out since the age of 17 and in all that time (16 years) I’ve never met a ‘bi’ person who ever had a long term relationship with someone of the opposite sex. (With the possible exception of married men who sleep with other men behind their wives’/girlfriends backs who would deny your existence if they saw you on the street)
That doesn’t make me biphobic. It’s just what I’ve seen and witnessed and experienced.
Simon – it is probable that you have met a lot more bisexual people than you realise, but have assumed them to be gay. Your attitude is the reason that bi people who are in long-term same-sex relationships just tend to give up and use the word ‘gay’.
I’m yet again dismayed by some of the comments from the gay community regarding Bisexuality. It does exist. Who the hell made the rule you have to be either gay or straight??
Sexuality is a fluid thing and I can bet theres far more bi people than there are gay. Yes some gay people do fence-sit, so what..
And stop making such a big thing about labels, gay/bi/straight I couldn’t really give a damn, some people in here need to grow up.
the stupid! the biphobia! it burns!
Gaz – totally. It’s very depressing that there are more supportive comments on the NOTW site than there are here!
I’d add to Alison’s comment… I’m betting if Simon (above) sees someone in a long term relationship with a member of the opposite sex, he’s probably going to assume they’re straight – not bi.
What do we have to do? Tattoo it on our foreheads?
maxine: don’t give this lot ideas…
“Biphobia”? Where did that come from? *hurries away to check the OED*
I’m not ‘biphobic’, just a good observer of human nature. I’ll give him a year or two before he finally owns up to being a complete cocksucker. It is the homophobes of this world that exacerbate this situation where people have to pretend to being 50/50. It’s all about testing the water. (‘If it goes well, I’ll admit to being gay, if it doesn’t, I can retreat back to girlfriends, no harm done’).
I guarantee if there was no homophobia in this world, there would be no bisexuals either.
RobN, You gurantee WRONG. Sevral men who sleep with both men and women have stated that whilst they liked sex with men, they also wanted to have the softness of woemn to sleep and wake up with, particularly the breasts. I dont see how you can argue against other people’s experiences.
It seems to me that the inability of many Gay men to accept Bi, is the precise reason that they are GaY- Its all Black and White. Or could it be jealousy that the Bi are having the ‘best of both worlds’?
RobN you are a complete and total idiot and make the gay community look bad. SO bisexuals don’t exist? It is not possible to be attracted to both females and males?
You my friend are a complete numpty, I’d actually put you in the same catergory as those people who were close minded not so long (and some still are) ago and believed being gay was a disease/a phase/sinful/evil.
Your attitude towards bi people reeks of the same thing.
But hey ignore this as I quite clearly don’t exist as a bi guy.
RobN, you are ignorant and offensive. There are plenty of bisexual people. I know bi people who have settled down with same-sex partners and others who have settled down with opposite sex partners. You can’t define a person’s sexuality by the relationship they are in if they are attracted to people of both genders and reserve the right to have a relationship with someone of either gender should the situation arise. Do you actually think that people like Jake Arnott or Tom Robinson are straight, because they wouldn’t agree. Only they can decide how they identify, not you.
While I don’t doubt that Bisexuality exists, it does frustrate gay people as it can give credence to the misbelief that sexuality is a choice.
Although, my comment above does not mean I think it’s ok for all the Bi-Bashers on here. Surely we gays know better?
Whilst I agree that few people are 100% gay, (or 100% straight either), and that sexuality is a sliding scale, sooner or later people decide on which side of the fence they are going to fall, and don’t jump between them. Those that still claim to be “bisexual” are often just in denial, or are simply using the whole thing as a smokescreen.
Like I said before, you can’t have chips and rice on the same plate.
actualy you can robn: yu go to your chinese take away and order chips and rice with curry sauce. Good comfort food.
As to the rest of your post: well that’s plainly nonsence.
Good for him. His personal life is his and his alone. That he decided to share this with the rest of the world is pretty cool. Being an American I don’t really know who he is, but I don’t care. If he makes music that makes me/people happy then that’s all that I care about.
In truth there is no such thing as gay, straight are bi where sexuality is concerned. They are only labels that define a lifestyle choice, nothing more. Sexuality is far more fluid and ambiguous and doesn’t lend itself to the neat, convenient boxes that the more fanatically-inclined insist we must be shoe-horned into. That is why many men who sleep with men as well as women do not remotely consider themselves gay, because they are not. They are sexual beings. In fact, they are likely to be alienated and even repelled by the gay “scene” because they have no identity with the caricatures and trappings of “gay-dom” that go with it. We need to take a more enlightened approach to sexuality and stop labelling people in such limiting terms.
PS: If Duncan happens to stumbled onto this forum and discover what a rabid bunch of intolerant “biphobes” he is up against, he’ll likely bolt himself back into the closet for good!
Well said to Gaz and shame on people on here who claim to know other people’s deepest fantasies and desires, and think it is for them to have an opinion about it as well. I’d like RobN and Robert ex Pat Brit to tell me how they know what is going on in the mind of Duncan James, and what mystic sources they are using.
I suppose you could come out with such a banal statement – on the scale of david skinner’s stupidity – if your head is so up your own arse, that no-one else can get a look in.
We need more people like James to chip away at this silly imposed, unnatural definition of sexuality which goes against millions of years of evolutionary history.
In response to AnthonyB – I understand that a lot of gay people find the bi thing frustrating, but bisexual people should not have to apologise for that.
Lots of people who identify as gay or straight seem determined to demonstrate that sexuality is a dichotomy. I, and hundreds of people I know, are the inconvenient living proof that that is not the case. Difference and separateness have been useful tools for the gay rights movement, which is why bisexuality is so often ignored in campaigning and research.
bisexuality doesn’t prove that bigoted lie that sexuality is a choice
GOod luck to Duncan
I don’t think that Bi people should apologise for being Bi. I was just trying to offer up a reason why some gay people have a hard time accepting it. I didn’t say it proved that sexuality is a choice, I meant that it can make bigots see it that way.
Sorry Anthony – I was kind of trying to expand on your point and explain it from a bi perspective – it wasn’t meant as a criticism.
For condemning bi-bashing, you get 100 bi points. If you get to 1000, I’ll send you a carriage clock.
Sorry Anthony, I was kinda trying to expand on your point from a bi perspective – it wasn’t meant as an attack.
BTW, for condemning bi-bashing, you get 100 bi points. If you reach 1,000 I will send you a carriage clock.
Will it be a Bi-Carriage Clock, with both analogue and digital faces?
Sorry! Couldn’t resist!
From the comments on here you’d think biphobia was as big a problem as homophobia when quite obviously that is not the case. Nobody gets beaten up because they are bi. If a bi person gets attacked because of his sexuality it is generally because his attacker thinks he’s gay.
Whether bi people want to accept it or not it is a fact that bisexual people can switch their bisexuality on and off when it is convenient for them. Gay people do not have that choice and I can fully understand why they find this irritating.
I am gay – I am out to my family; partner; friends; colleagues; my partner’s family etc. I expect a bi person in an opposite sex relationship to be out to the same extent. That is often not the case.
It is also a fact that gay people pretend to be bi to ‘test the water’ before coming out as gay. That is a reality and bi people are being incredibly naive if they can’t acknowledge this phenomenon and realise that it causes people to distrust the idea of bisexuality.
And don’t even start me on those annoying straight girls who pretend to be bi to attract guys but who recoil at the idea of oral sex with another woman (that’s my test for my straight female friends who claim to be bi – I ask them if they can picture having oral sex with another woman)
1. I refuse to use the unhelpful words ‘homophobia’ and ‘biphobia’ – bigotry is bigotry. Bisexual people in same-sex relationships face the same prejudices as gay people, and then all the typical prejudice you have just displayed on top of that.
2. I have absolutely no idea what you mean by ‘switching bisexuality on and off’ but I can assure you that my sexuality is no more a matter of choice than yours is.
3. I am out as bi to my family, partner, friends and colleagues. I have had relationships with men and with women and have always been honest about it. I could introduce you to several hundred similar people. I want you to understand that your attitude is the reason that bi people find it difficult to come out.
3. I don’t know any bi people who would argue that bisexuality is never a transitioning phase. Some of my best friens have been in that position (straight to gay, and gay to straight). Some of them they were coming to terms with their sexuality as it had actually been all along; some of them felt their preference had shifted. It is not your place to play guess-the-label – how people identify is none of your business.
4. Many bi people are irritated by the way bisexuality is portrayed in the media, which has given rise to the fetishisation of same-sex activity between girls – but again, it’s not our place to say who has a genuine attraction and who doesn’t. What do you think gives you the right to ‘test’ your bi female friends?
1. Alison – bigotry is indeed bigotry. But considering you are contributing to another topic on here today where the specific subject is ‘biphobia’ I think you can understand what I mean.
2. when I say someone is switching their bisexuality on or off I mean they are switching from being openly bi to being closeted about their orientation as it suits them. You may deny the existence of these people but believe me there are plenty of them.
3. Good for you. Perhaps it is different for bi men but I have known many bi men who are being dishonest to their wives and girlfriends about their orientation and who treat their same sex partners like crap. Just because you don’t like to hear this does not make it false.
4. How many people do you know who have gone from ‘gay to straight’. That is not very different from the argument used by religious weirdoes to ‘cure’ homosexuality. If you know of these people then perhaps they are the reason why gay people are so distrustful of bisexuals as these are the ones who are trotted out by the religious as evidence of how our sexuality can be ‘changed’
5. Because I find it highly unusual that my ‘bi’ female friends only ever seem to be bi in front of straight guys in straight bars. They seem to forget their bisexuality in lesbian bars.
You make some valid points but they do not invalidate the points I have made.
As I’ve said on the other topic, I’m not denying your experiences at all, and I’m sorry that you’ve been treated badly by anyone, regardless of their sexual orientation. But as I’ve said before, the reason some bisexual people feel unable to come out is because of existing prejudice. The problems you face with closeted bi men are self-perpetuating: it is important that you recognise the connection.
In response to point 4: it is a *very* different argument. Choice and change are not the same thing. Some people’s sexuality changes over the course of their life. Sometimes multiple times. It doesn’t mean that they choose it – it can be very painful. To use your words, just because you don’t like to hear this does not make it false.
Studies on the subject have concluded that sexual orientation is influenced by multiple factors, biological and environmental. It seems glaringly obvious to me that we are gay/bi for different reasons. What matters is that nobody has the right to dictate how we should live our lives.
#57: Alison: You say: “The problems you face with closeted bi men are self-perpetuating: it is important that you recognise the connection.”
I do recognise this and that’s why I refuse to date bi men any more. I’ll have sex with them if they’re hot and single for sure but that’s the extent of it. Maybe that’s harsh but the choice of sexual partner one takes is the one area where discrimination is entirely acceptable.
“Maybe that’s harsh but the choice of sexual partner one takes is the one area where discrimination is entirely acceptable.”
So if you have a handful of relationships with, say, black men who cheat on you, it is perfectly acceptable for you to conclude that all black men are untrustworthy and worthy of no more than a quick fuck.
Righto. *rolls eyes*
Yes Alison that is exactly what I am saying.
So long as I don’t try to impinge on the legal or civil rights of black, Asian, bi, blind, left-handed etc men or women and don’t discriminate against them in my job them then I am entirely free to discriminate how I please in terms of who I shag.
I do not like the Devon accent. That is a prejudice. But as a prejudice it is entirely harmless so long as I don’t refuse to employ someone because they have all the necessary qualifications but also a Devon accent. Everyone has a prejudice of 1 sort or another. That’s human nature. It is harmless so long as you do not let the prejudice cloud your judgement in other areas. Therefore if I refuse to get involved on a deeper level than casual sex with a bi man – well no one is getting hurt therefore there’s nothing wrong with it.
If I refuse to rent an apartment to a bi man based on his bisexuality that is a different matter.
“Everyone has a prejudice of 1 sort or another. That’s human nature.”
Agreed. I like to challenge those prejudices. I hope you do too.
“It is harmless so long as you do not let the prejudice cloud your judgement in other areas.”
I think we will have to agree to disagree here. I believe that prejudice is the reason people still get kicked to death.
But you have certain prejudices of your own Alison and you are being naive if you deny this. Everybody has a prejudice of some sort. Some people don’t like certain accents. That is a prejudice.
But so long as you are aware that it is a prejudice and make sure that you don’t discriminate against someone as a result of the prejudice then it is harmless.
Kicking someone to death as a result of their race; sexual orientation, sex etc is not a prejudice. It is a criminal act inspired by hatred of someone. Hatred is much stronger than prejudice.
Prejudice in and of itself is harmless so long as you are aware that the prejudice exists and that you make an effort to ensure that you don’t discriminate against someone as a result of a prejudice.
Therefore if I choose not to have a relationship with bi man or a left handed man then that is entirely harmless just so long as I do not refuse to serve a bi or left handed man a drink in a bar if I work there; or if I refuse to rent a bi or left-handed man an apartment.
It is unrealistic snd impossible to expect that everyone will be tolerant and accepting of every difference. So long as the laws and courts and governments are agreed that discrimination is unacceptable then we’ll all be OK. That is why religion cannot be allowed to pervert our schools and political and legal systems.
“Some people don’t like certain accents. That is a prejudice.”
It isn’t really. It’s just a preference.
Saying “I won’t date a man from Devon because I don’t like the accent” is very different from saying “I won’t date a man from Devon because I’ve dated men from Devon in the past and they’ve all suffered from chronic flatulence and I believe these things are connected”.
I completely agree with you that we all have prejudices. What I am saying is that I believe prejudices should be challenged.
“That is why religion cannot be allowed to pervert our schools and political and legal systems.”
I am with you on that 100%.
“Saying “I won’t date a man from Devon because I don’t like the accent” is very different from saying “I won’t date a man from Devon because I’ve dated men from Devon in the past and they’ve all suffered from chronic flatulence and I believe these things are connected”.”
OK the 2 examples you use are different but neither is very serious and the person holding those prejudices is 100% entitled to hold them.
It only becomes a problem if I start saying:
“I’ve dated men from Devon in the past and they’ve all suffered from chronic flatulence and I believe these things are connected. And as a reult I am not going to offer the job vacancy / the rental apartment / serve a drink in the bar to that person because they are from Devon”
Prejudice should be challenged by all means. But in and of themselves they are harmless so long as you are aware of them and don’t let them influence your judgement on other issues.
PS Sorry Devon readers. I am sure you are wonderful, wonderful people
There is a lot of blatant biphobia on this thread – more so than on the “Easier bi the backdoor” (fnar fnar) thread. I am not bi but I understand their frustration at not being believed. If someone says they like men and women, then why not believe them?
Also, why do some gay people assume that bi means unfaithful? I know lots of gay people and straight people who have cheated on their partners and lots who are faithful – it is the same with bi people. The same goes with polyamory – why assume that bi people are more likely to be into multiple partners than gay or straight people?
It saddens me when bi friends tell me they have been excluded from support groups or gay rights groups when they have come out as bi.
What I am getting at is this – gay people have fought long and hard to be accepted by straight people. Gay people still have to fight prejudice and ignorance and challenge misconceptions that many straight people have about gay relationships. Why then do some gay people not accept bi people? Why do some gay people cling on to misconceptions and prejudices about bi people despite evidence (from bi people) to the contrary? How can victims of prejudice turn that same prejudice against another group of similar people?
Christina… I think you are lovely. I wish everybody was like you. :)
I’m rather angry and very dissapointed to read such bigotted comments on this thread. As a bisexual male I’ve seen enough of it to not be surprised though. I think Duncan James is very brave for coming out, especially when its far more popular to label oneself as “heteroflexible” or another of the labels people have come up with. I feel that someones sex is only truly on a physical level, I’ve met plenty of men of all sexual orientations that act masculine and what is percieved as manly, and then I’m met men that others have sworn blind to me that must be gay because they’re effeminate when I know for a fact that men don’t turn them on.
I think biphobia is far worse than homophobia, because more people make bisexuality invisibility, there is very little bisexual support, and it’s quite socially acceptable for both homo- and hetero-sexuals to make jokes about us “half gays” and “undecisives”.
I’ve been in a loving relationship with a women, we had a child together and seperated with some difficulty. I’ve had another year long relationship with a woman that I cared deeply for and enjoyed the sexual part of our relationship deeply. I also find men sexually stimulating and in every encounter I’ve had with a man I’ve been very satisfied, theres no denial either way. I would have had relationships with men if there wasn’t this stigma with Bisexuals being indenial and with being ploygamistic, I mean, I never once during my relationships cheated on them with the same or opposite sex.
This kind of rambled on, all I came on to say was Good for Duncan and hope it helps more people that have felt forced to be one or the other to be more accepting and to accept themselves.