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Mandelson to undergo surgery just days after taking office

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  1. Let’s hope the kidney stones make a full recovery from their unfortunate association with Mr Mandelson.

  2. Sister Mary Clarence 6 Oct 2008, 8:30pm

    I can’t help but fell that poor old Mandy has got his dates wrong (bit worrying that he’s been put in charge of sorting out the credit crunch crisis if he’s so bad with numbers). I’ve scoured the NHS Choices website for his best treatment hospital, just in case he’s waiting unnecessarily long when he’s in so much pain.

    The website itself seems to be running off a ZX Spectrum judging by the speed of it, but patience prevails and his two options seem to be

    1) the Royal Marsden, where he’ll have to wait about 18 days for an appointment with a doctor but they can’t give a date for the actually treatment (possibly not a good sign)
    2) UCL, where he’ll have to wait a bit longer for an initial appointment at about 29 days, but there’s a 58% chance he’ll be operated on within 18 weeks.

    If he is actually going in to have the little tinkers out ‘later today’, I’m a bit puzzled by the ‘normal procedures’ the spokesman is talking about, because normal procedures for you and me is the best part of 8 months of excruciating pain followed by a quick game of MRSA roulette with a 1.57 in every 10,000 elective bed days chance of winning a flesh eating virus.

    Could it be that ticking the box for ‘Have you ever made a crooked mortgage application’ and also the one for ‘Have you/any of your staff every facilitated a passport application in exchange for a donation of £1m to the Millennium Dome’ actually provides a few better options for healthcare choices these days?

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